Our mothers used to tell us to play hard to get to attract the attention of our first crush, but science has revealed there may actually be some truth in that basic strategy. While playing hard to get is a strategy adopted by many to attract a partner, previous research has failed to confirm whether playing it cool actually works and if so why. Read more: What is ‘zumping’ the new dating trend coronavirus lockdown has spawned? So the new research set out to prove whether viewing a prospective romantic partner as playing it hard to get kicked off sexual desire for that partner. Were trying to make the best deal we can. But playing it cool is seen by some to be a bit of a risky play, with many worrying it could put off prospective partners who fear being rejected. A better strategy, therefore, could be to try and merge the two, playing it cool, while at the same time trying to remove the uncertainty and fear of rejection for wannabe mates.
Does playing ‘hard to get’ work in relationships?
Maybe you’re the type who tends to take off first thing in the morning after a one-night stand, or who lies about your busy schedule in the week ahead, but doesn’t indulge your prospective partner with the details. When dating, single people often deploy tactics like these to avoid coming off as clingy or desperate. Playing hard to get, the theory goes, makes you seem far more attractive.
It might make you feel sly, but does that carefree attitude actually work to anyone’s benefit? For decades, psychologists have been studying if and why playing hard to get can make people attracted to you, and several studies may help explain the psychology behind why we sometimes desire people who make us work harder for their attention.
There are many ways to do this, but people playing hard to get most often act confident, talk to others, and withhold sex, according to research published in the European Journal of Personality —all of which “may reflect
16 men explain what they think when a woman they’re dating plays hard to get.
Dating Games: Playin Now, any good general will tell you every battle requires a sound strategy. Similarly, many people employ their own strategies and approaches when it comes to attracting and chatting up that special someone. But, does playing hard to get really work? Add to Chrome. Sign in. News Break App. Sweat and speak up: Local gym mixes workouts with social justice. Rochester, NY spectrumlocalnews.
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Playing Hard To Get Doesn’t Work But This Will
Years ago, at the very beginning of my quest for sensible input on dating, I read a book on how to get a guy. Bottom line: play hard to get, as hard to get as you can. The reasoning behind it: men love a good challenge and the more you distance yourself from them the harder they will work to catch you. Needless to say, I was still single long after reading that book.
Do you believe in playing hard to get and other dating mind games? I asked a bunch of my friends, plus a couple experts.
She had just finished telling me about a promising blind date she had on Saturday night with Alan, a thirty-three-year-old sports agent. Their love lives are at a standstill. On the rare occasions, they actually meet a nice guy through a friend or a dating website, it never goes anywhere. Of course, it is easy to blame Tinder and hookup culture for keeping them single.
That said, there may be something else interfering with their ability to find a successful relationship and it may not have anything to do with the modern dating landscape. It explains the success of limited editions and hour sales. Conventional wisdom holds that this strategy applies to romance and the rules of attraction. Just do the rules and see him less. Being nice is far more effective, say the authors of one study.
They found that women who were friendly and warm were deemed to be more attractive by potential mates than women who played it cool.
5 Ways To Play Hard To Get That Will Actually Work
Last Updated: March 22, References. This article was co-authored by our trained team of editors and researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 1,, times.
There are male dating gurus who train men in the dark art of the female putdown. They tell guys that playing hard to get is the way to make a.
T here are male dating gurus who train men in the dark art of the female putdown. They tell guys that playing hard to get is the way to make a woman fall head over heels; that women prefer men who behave like jerks, with a touch of humor thrown into the mix. There is some truth to their claims: when we obtain what is hard to get, we appreciate it more. Sensing signs of love from a jerk may feel like more of an achievement than from a guy who constantly dotes on us or on any woman he lays his eyes on.
But these male dating gurus are not entirely right, either. Behaving like a jerk for too long builds resentment.
Does Playing ‘Hard to Get’ Work?
Now, any good general will tell you every battle requires a sound strategy. Similarly, many people employ their own strategies and approaches when it comes to attracting and chatting up that special someone. But, does playing hard to get really work? While many of us probably have our own personal successes and failures with the hard-to-get approach, modern science is finally ready to weigh in on the debate.
Birnbaum and Reis have spent a number of years investigating the intricacies of human attraction and courtship.
One of the most frequently used dating tactics is “playing hard to get,” or purposely acting cold and even mean toward the person we’re interested in. But, does.
Sign Up! Men apparently, love the chase. We browse through a plethora of guides on dating and almost each one tells us to present ourselves as a challenge. Because playing hard to get is definitely regressive and messing it all up, for women. This whole shady concept comes from the scientific fact that the pursuit of sex stimulates the reward centre in our brains. Apparently, buying your affection with gifts and flirting elevates the dopamine levels in men who, as a matter of fact, thrive on this feeling!
But no. For decades, relationships, like most other things were patriarchal in nature. A woman who makes the first move is deemed desperate, while a man who does that is simply charming. We say, make the move, instead of simply eyeing that cutie. If you like him, make it known. Honestly, when you have so much going on in your life, do we have time and energy for this?
Place your bets on the guy who seeks you for love and companionship.
Playing ‘hard to get’ really works and makes you ‘more sexually desirable’, study claims
There is a popular notion that women play ‘hard to get’ and men enjoy the challenge of chasing a hard-to-win beauty. But how much of it really goes on? Do many women really act in this way? How do we recognise it if we see it? What is this phenomenon of ‘playing hard to get’ all about?
Dr Cindy Pan and Bianca Dye suggest that instead of trying harder, you might simply try playing harder to get. they reveal how to play the dating game and not.
Yet, making the chase harder also has its advantages. So which one is the better strategy? In a study , they found that when people feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest, they will put more effort into seeing that person again. Birnbaum and Reis have collaborated for decades, ever since Birnbaum was a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Rochester in — While playing hard to get is a common strategy used to attract mates, Birnbaum and Reis found that past research has been unclear about whether, and if so, why this strategy works—questions they sought to address in the latest study.
The duo tested the hard-to-get tactic across three interrelated studies. Participants interacted with what they believed to be another research participant of the opposite sex, but who was in reality an insider—a member of the research team. So, how then do you reconcile these two approaches—playing hard to get on one hand and removing uncertainty on the other?
Playing Hard To Get: A Tried And True Method For Attraction
My mom, very much in love with my dad, told him she was moving home to Virginia. Romance at its finest! I was born two years later, and my parents are still happily married to this day. My mom has been a hard to get devotee since the tender age of 16, when she developed her first crush on a boy who would always wait until the last minute to ask her to hang out.
When dating, single people often deploy tactics like these to avoid coming off as clingy or desperate. Playing hard to get, the theory goes.
Playing hard to get is a flirtatious, natural, fun, sometimes difficult and intimidating course of attack. It is exhilarating when your suitor works for your attention; after all, nothing absolutely spectacular was ever easily accessible. And both the chase and catch feel good! Working the confidence trump card shows you have your priorities in line and know what you want.
Pulling it out of the deck and revealing it at the right time is just plain old attractive. Researchers studied the question: “When does playing hard to get increase romantic attraction? The study involved two experiments to find out how playing hard to get influences certain situations.
Playing hard to get; a scientific appraisal
Researchers from the University of Rochester and Centre Herzliya have examined the effects of playing hard to get, and claim that making the chase harder increases your desirability. That makes them seem less valuable and appealing than those who do not make their romantic interest apparent right away. In one experiment, participants interacted with people whose online dating profiles indicated that they were either hard to get or easy to attract. The results found that profiles that were hard to get were more valued and seen as more desirable as a partner.
It’s common in dating for men to play it cool and women to play hard to get. All this boils down to is both sexes playing games to avoid both rejection and looking.
We tend to like people who like us — a basic human trait that psychologists have termed “reciprocity of attraction. Yet, making the chase harder also has its upsides. Which one then is the better strategy for finding a partner? A team of researchers from the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya examined the effects of playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a certain degree of uncertainty.
In a new study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , they show that making the chase harder increased a potential mate’s desirability. While playing hard to get is a common strategy used to attract mates, past research has been unclear about whether, and if so, why this strategy works — which this study sought to clear up.
Of course, some are reluctant to employ this strategy, worrying that it’ll backfire and drive prospective partners away out of fear of being rejected. Indeed, in previous research the duo had shown that those who feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest will put more effort into seeing that person again, while rating the possible date as more sexually attractive than they would if they were less certain about the prospective date’s romantic intentions.
However, in their latest undertaking the team tested tactics across three interrelated studies, which gave the impression that potential partners were hard to get, signaling their “mate value” by being, for example, selective in their partner choices. Participants interacted with what they believed to be another research participant of the opposite-sex, but who was in reality an insider — a member of the research team.
Next, participants rated the extent to which they felt the insider was hard to get, their perceptions of the insider’s mate value e. In study 1 , participants interacted with study insiders whose online profile indicated that they were either hard to get or easy to attract. The researchers discovered that participants who interacted with the more selective profile perceived the insider as more valued and therefore more desirable as a partner, compared to participants who interacted with less selective insiders who seemed easier to attract.